Just in case you aren’t already sick to death of MTV’s endless stream of brain-dead “reality shows” starring stupid, annoying people you’d never want in your life or
on your TV, there’s—you guessed it!—plenty more on the way.
The network which may be single-handedly responsible for a precipitous lowering of the average American IQ is now looking for “marijuana addicts” to provide its slack-jawed audience with entertainment.
The “addicts” will be featured on MTV’s “True Life
,” which is what you get when you combine a network too stingy to invest in actual programming content with pathetic, whiney wanna-be-stars who’d gladly eviscerate their mothers for 15 minutes of fame.
Or, as MTV would have it, the show, um, “covers important social and personal issues for young people in a straightforward, empathetic style that respects its participants and its impressionable viewers.”
Oh, I get it! They’re impressionable, so of COURSE you must lie to them that marijuana is addictive! Makes perfect sense, if you’re an amoral showbiz douche-bag who’d peddle his mother’s wrinkled ass if he thought he could make a couple extra bucks.
“ARE YOU ADDICTED TO MARIJUANA?” a promotional piece
screams. “Are you smoking so much marijuana that it’s messing up your life? Have you gone way beyond the ‘typical’ pot smoker to the point where you need weed just to feel normal?
“Do you continue to smoke despite negative consequences in your life?” the breathless promo asks. (Could they mean, like, being stoned enough to watch stupid shit like “True Life”?) “Do you want to quit but you’re finding it hard to stop?”
“Have you looked into treatment programs or support groups for marijuana addiction?” MTV wants to know. “Are you smoking large amounts of Spice or K2, a form of synthetic marijuana?”
Yeah, these irrelevant ass-wigs are so desperate for material, they’ll even take a Spice “addict.” My odds are that they’ll land one of these pathetic dweebs, not cool enough to smoke actual marijuana, rather than a real, live pothead.
Well, anyway, if you “appear to be between the ages of 15-28” (remember, there’s no real life after 28 for the MTV generation) and have answers “yes” to any of these questions, MTV wants to hear your pathetic story.
They want you to send your name, age, phone number, location, a photo (mm-hm) and a brief explanation of your annoying stupid situation to [email protected]
, or call 718-422-0704, extension 115.
It seems quite likely that, rather than actually trying to get on the program, many of you unscrupulous pranksters might send spurious emails, or even make spurious calls, to punish these miserable fucks for promoting the idea of “marijuana addiction” in popular culture.
I just feel as if some of you unrepentant “marijuana addicts” out there might want to let them know what you think of this transparent attempt to prop up the tottering edifice of marijuana prohibition by pretending, ever-so-hard, that there’s something “wrong” with cannabis.
And of course, being a simple editor, I am powerless to stop you marijuana-addicted miscreants from engaging in such anti-social behavior.